


Strength

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7089604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus takes notice of the Major's foul mood following a rough situation planetside. After some urging, Kaidan manages to confront Shepard about her antics on the battlefield, but he's not prepared for her reaction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength

“Something bothering you, Major?” Garrus coolly asked, not looking directly at Kaidan, but undoubtedly very aware of the human’s disquiet.

“No. Why do you ask?” The Spectre answered succinctly as he shut the door to his locker with a bit more force than he’d initially intended.

The turian turned his head in his comrade’s direction at the sound. “Just have a hunch, I suppose.”

Kaidan merely stared at the locker as though he was expecting it to do something other than hold all of his armor and supplies.

“You haven’t said much since we got back to the shuttle and your tone wasn’t exactly cordial when you ordered Shepard to the med bay,” Garrus continued. “I’m pretty sure I missed something, but if you want to talk about it–”

“Why does she do things like that?” The Major’s words came out nearly as a hiss. He ran a hand through his dark hair and dropped his gaze to the floor.

“Go to the med bay? I assume it’s because you rather forcefully told her to.” Garrus calmly answered. He’d likely known that it wasn’t what Kaidan was getting at, but he probably aimed to lighten the mood with humor.

“No,” Kaidan sighed. “She came out of nowhere and put herself between a brute and me. She could have died. Why would she do that?”

“Seems pretty obvious to me,” Garrus responded. “She was protecting you.”

“Does she think I can’t take care of myself? I’m better suited for that sort of close range combat than she is. That brute could have ripped her in half!” Each successive sentence had Kaidan’s hands gesturing with increasing intensity, adding angry emphasis to the words.

“You might want to ask Shepard those questions. She’s agitated, but I think she’d listen to what you’d have to say,” Garrus said as he turned his attention back to packing away his gear.

Kaidan stared at him with confusion written across his features.

“Ahh. I take it that you didn’t notice that. Well, I guess I could be wrong,” the turian added, shutting his locker and turning to face the Spectre. “But I doubt it. She’s upset. You need to talk to her.”

“I’m not really ready yet–”

“Get up there and talk to her right now.” Kaidan couldn’t help but notice the similarity in the tone Garrus was using now and the one he’d used on Shepard only a short while ago. Anyone who didn’t know the turian might have been taken aback at the forcefulness of the statement. The gentle flare of his mandibles, however, signaled the good-natured intent of the order. He was right.

By the time Kaidan reached the med bay, Shepard was sitting on an examination table with her feet dangling over the side and her back facing the door. She leaned forward slightly, placing her weight on her arms as her gaze locked on the floor. She looked troubled, as Garrus had indicated. Damn.

Shepard glanced over her shoulder in his direction, a flash of something dancing in her eyes before she turned away. Anger? Sadness? Pain? It was there for only a moment before she hid her face once more.

“I’m fine, Kaidan,” she reassured him, though it did sound a bit like the words were escaping her through gritted teeth. “If you’d prefer to brief the Council yourself, then have at it.”

The biotic sighed heavily as he resigned himself to having a heated conversation. He’d put it off too long already. “I need to talk to you.”

Silence stretched between them and Shepard remained motionless. Kaidan was just preparing to say it again when she quietly but curtly answered. “Then talk.”

“I’m sorry I got angry when you got in front of me with that brute. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” Only moments ago, he thought that the words would have been more heated, but seeing her upset seemed to take all the fight out of him.

Her head drooped, but he couldn’t fully gauge her body language or expression. “I didn’t want you to get hurt, either,” she answered at last.

“You don’t have to protect me, you know. I’m capable. I’m an officer and a Spectre, just like you.”

“I know,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Then why do you do crazy things like that? Why risk your life when you know I can handle it?” There was a gentle pleading in his tone. His words lacked the edge they’d had in the shuttle bay.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” the waver in her voice was surprising.

“We need to talk about this. I can’t help but worry that you’re going to throw yourself into the middle of an impossible fight and get yourself killed. I’d never forgive myself if I hit you by mistake.”

His concerns were met with silence. She remained frozen, staring down at the floor below her dangling feet.

“Shepard?”

“I brought you on the mission. That was what you wanted, wasn’t it? You can’t get mad about my fighting style after all this time.” She was feigning anger. He could hear it in her voice. She was using outrage as a mask to cover something else.

“Yes, but that wasn’t your fighting style. I know your fighting style. Jumping in front of a brute with nothing but a half-spent pistol is stupid, not heroic. That’s not you.” He moved in closer, trying to get a better look at her so he could figure out what was really going on.

“I made a decision. I did what I had to do.” He couldn’t clearly see her face, downturned as it was, but she sounded like she was trying to convince herself of the words as much as she was trying to convince him.

“Don’t you think I’m strong enough to handle myself?” He was standing so that his boots undoubtedly invaded her line of sight, but she still remained motionless.

She mumbled something then, but Kaidan couldn’t make out the words. It was alarming to see her in such a state, angry and sad and unusually indecisive. She always had good reason for doing the things she did, and this was the first in a long time that she’d been unable or unwilling to provide an explanation.

“Pardon?”

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “I did it because I’m not strong enough.” Shepard repeated. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Kaidan stood dumbfounded for a moment as he tried to rationalize what she’d just said. It didn’t make any sense to him. “Umm…”

Shepard scrubbed a hand over her face. She still didn’t raise her eyes from the floor, but after a long pause, she began to explain. “I see the distress message of a dead race from fifty-thousand years ago in my head. I experience my own death on an almost daily basis while knowing it could happen again any minute. Millions of lives depend on what we’re doing and I’m trying to build a weapon of mass destruction that I don’t know how to use. My sanity is hanging by a thread.”

His heart sank as he listened. He wasn’t entirely sure what this had to do with the current discussion, but he certainly felt like a fool for bringing up his concerns with someone who had so much on her mind at the moment. She was right. This could wait.

“You’re the only thing that’s keeping me together at this point and I’m not strong enough to watch you die,” she said rather plainly. Her hands were gripping the side of the examination table hard enough that he thought it might bend under the pressure.

Kaidan didn’t know what to say. It hurt him to see her like this and he felt terrible for forcing her to confess. He’d misjudged her intent completely. While it was good to know what was really going on, there was no denying the helplessness he felt when she voiced her worries. Shepard saves everyone else. He wasn’t sure it could work the other way around, but he was damned well going to try. “Hey,” he said at last. “C’mere.”

He pried one hand off of the table and lifted it with his, urging her to stand. She followed his lead without much resistance, greedily curling her arms around him as soon as her boots touched the floor. He held her close, as though he’d be able to shield her from the weight of the galaxy with his embrace. He didn’t know if there was anything he could say to calm her fears. Promising to never die or to be able to protect himself and her forever felt wrong, since he couldn’t logically guarantee anything in times like these.

“It isn’t easy,” he murmured, having intimate knowledge of the heartbreak caused by watching the person he loved dying. “But it isn’t the end, either.” The words were cryptic, yes, but somehow he felt that it needed to be said.

“Well isn’t this quite the debriefing? Shall I be on my way or can I work with my patient?” Dr. Chakwas stood in the doorway of the med bay with a playful smirk on her lips.

“She’s all yours,” Kaidan responded. He loosened his grip around Shepard and whispered as he pulled away. “Can you at least promise to try and stop throwing yourself into death’s path if I promise to do everything I can to keep myself alive, too?”

A quick huff of laughter escaped the Commander as she nodded her head. Her gaze still lingered on the floor and her cheeks were red, but he could see that she was quickly recovering from her moment of despair.

“Good. I’ll take what I can get,” he said as he gently squeezed her hand.


End file.
